There was once a great crocodile that suffered a terrible affliction called Love.
Love is a rare reptilian affliction—one that only mammals suffer from. It’s a disease that confuses the predator, making it forget its purpose—and often turning it into prey!
And love was a disease of great irony, for it was humans—the greatest predators of all—who were most afflicted by it.
And so all the crocodiles were stunned when the biggest and fiercest crocodile of their watering hole—a croc that ate other crocodiles just to stoke fear and awe in others as a reminder of its meanness, a croc that even hippos were afraid of.
When this great crocodile suddenly began showing the horrible symptoms of loving and caring, all the crocodiles recoiled in terror.
Now crocodiles had the good sense to never trust one another, but they also had the good sense to agree when something was so clearly wrong and unnatural.
So together, they told the great crocodile:
“Love has turned you into weak and feeble prey. If you weren’t the biggest here, we would have all eaten you by now! So leave us! Don’t spread your affliction on us—especially on the younger crocs, lest their lovesick hearts make them easy prey for larger crocs.”
“Wait a minute!” said a large croc, “Sick crocs will be easier to catch and eat—what a great idea!”
“Great idea indeed!” echoed a smaller croc, “then you’ll catch the disease yourself, stupid! And then WE’LL eat YOU!”
“Yeah, then you’ll get sick, too, stupid!” shouted another.
As the crocodiles discussed the predatory uses of Love, the great crocodile fell into a deep depression.
Everything I believed was a lie, it lamented.
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